My Question: I have a good working relationship with a man who I got attracted to over time. I think this would be a good opportunity to ask him on a date, coming up with something that’s not going to get you into trouble at work. I guess that a man might classify me as a nice girl because I feel that I am sensitive, caring and never want to change that for anything even it means being alone.
I don’t want to seem too timid, so I said to him, I don’t want to make him uncomfortable but I would like to take him out sometime. He said it’s against his ethics to date a co-worker, and then he said something about introducing me to some guy in another department. I am not interested in anyone else right now, and that I have had a crush on him since I started working there.
When things start to break apart, careers and marriages get destroyed
He really was sending very, very mixed signals. All of his behavior pointed to interest in you. It seems to me that for some reason, he decided against a date with you. I would not try to figure this out, because he told you he doesn’t date co-workers. You don’t have to agree with that, but you should accept it, and that will take some time because you are disappointed. At least you know why, as opposed to not knowing.
It’s a question how men could know that you are shy, unless they observe you but from how you hold yourself. If you have been telling guys in general that you are shy I would no longer do so. It’s very common. Attraction is an emotion that can’t be controlled whether you’re married or not so it’s perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed about.
The real question is how you follow up on that attraction. That’s when things can get a little tricky if a serious relationship is formed especially if both of them are married.
A married woman that engages in emotional or physical attachments
The hardest thing for you to do is to accept that for what it is. At least he gave you a reason, and did not leave you wondering why. But maybe this is for the better. I would no longer express any interest in him or accept any gifts at all from him.
He let you know where he stands. Considering that you want to portray yourself as a pillar of strength that he can count on, you do not want to loose your temper in front of him. Life is about balance and to be dependent on just one thing or person can have negative consequences later on down the track.
Imagine walking up to a man and charming him with humorous banter and fine conversation. Visualize his positive response to you and then actually do it. A married person that engages in emotional or physical attachments to someone other than his/her partner is cheating.
Go outside the stress and you probably won’t like the person
The best thing for you is to continue to be polite when you see him at work, but simply move on. Office romance can be very tricky to maneuver. I would advise against EVER continuing to pursue someone who has told you why they won’t date you. The reason that I want you to visualize your approach and your success is because your thought at the moment in regards to men is negative.
This type of negative thinking doesn’t help your situation at all. You have to try to get your head to thinking girl + my interaction = possible yes or no. Either way I’m giving it my best shot. You will seem desperate if you continue to show interest in him. It is never good for anyone to seem desperate. For more tips about office romance, refer to e-books in series “ Relationships: Puzzles and Answers ”