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I Spent Much Of My Younger Years In A Pretty Shy State With Women

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#1 CoolGuy83



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Posted 12 December 2011 - 05:46 PM

Master The Fine Art of Talking to Women?

What should you look for to know whether he/she's truthful and suitable mate for you? Date a woman on par with you. As in don't reach out of your league.

How to Start and Keep The Conversation Going?

How to lead casual conversation with a romantic spark? Aspects of flirting that distinguish it from the ordinary courtesy. What are attraction turn-offs for most people?

How to Talk to Women Without Seeming Desperate?

How to find something in common to talk about? What kind of signs do girls give you when they're interested? Follow this advice and eventually you will have to work on figuring out which girls you want to keep.

I am a man that is maturing. I spent much of my younger years in a pretty shy state with women. I still was able to get girls, but, it was hard for me. Now, I am learning some advanced attraction techniques, and actually am seeing some quite positive results, I now am quite comfortable meeting new women.

Before I go on, I must say this is a pretty long post I have here, so brace yourself for a little bit of a read, sorry for using so many words, but I just want some advice on this situation, and anyone that is willing to read this long post, and offer any meaningful advice, I thank you in advance.

My problem is this though: I live in Ontario Canada, and over here we only have 2 government-run stores that serve us alcohol, the lcbo and the beer store. With a population of over 9 million people in our province, you would imagine that these stores must be quite busy. Actually, well, I mean, on a side note, as a proud user of alcohol (but, I am not an alcoholic, just a casual drinker), the fact is, I once read that our lcbo is actually the world's biggest purchaser of alcohol. But, anyways, the point is that the store is absolutely ridiculously busy, like a mcdonalds drive through on steroids. So, on to the point, there is a unique girl that works at one of these liquor stores, and she's beautiful, and she seems to like me, I mean, she gave me some signs.

Well, I'll even go and explain the more specific details of the situation, but first off, I want to say that I don't know what I want with her, maybe me and her could date, maybe we could be "friends with benefits", or maybe this could just be a potential friendship and nothing more, and honestly, at this point, with this situation, I could care less which of those, or even, none of those happens. All I know is she seems like a cool person, and I have respect for her.

Anyways, on to the details:

- She started working at the store kind of recently, like just over a month ago

- Although I am in the process of learning advanced attraction techniques, and have become quite comfortable with meeting new women, I have never attempted to get with a cashier in a store before, especially a really busy store like this one, at that.

- Since this is her place of work, and this is the only place I see her, this makes the situation a little tricky, this is kind of a side note from the above point preceding this one. I mean, I would think that she wants to be seen as "professional" among her co-workers, and even customers, so, it makes it all that much harder for me to try to talk with her, because her on her job is the situation where I normally see her in. I just don't want to make her feel somewhat "embarrassed" in front of co-workers and customers.

- On a rare occasion, I have seen her outside of the store on a break, but that is extremely rare

- I drink alcohol about 3 times a week, and I'm not a creep by any means, so don't jump to that conclusion, I go to that store primarily to buy alcohol, and sometimes I don't even see her there, if she's there, that's cool, but it's not the only reason why I go there, which also raises another issue, if I try to flirt with her one day, and for whatever reason, she rejects me, and I insist, I am not afraid of rejection, and actually learn from rejection, I'm just saying, if she does reject me, then it could possibly make things a little awkward for me when I go to buy alcohol. But that is the least of my worries.

- Before I say the following information, I want to say that although I have all this to say, it must also be noted that she is a friendly person in general, and is quite nice towards lots of customers, but, she seems to act slightly differently towards me, from what I know, anyways, as I will explain...

- So, this is what I know, this is what makes me pretty sure she probably likes me on some level:

1) When she started working there, I saw her there, and, quite frankly, she is not the only beautiful girl that has worked at that store, but, I never have thought to myself like "I want this girl that works here" before her, although she is not unique in the sense of being a beautiful girl that happens to work at that store. So yeah, I don't know, the first couple times I met her, she seemed to be "nice" to me, and I don't know why, but she caught my eye for some reason.

2) I was thinking to myself, at that time, if I want her, than I need to do something to get her. So, I went online and found suggestions on similar topics, and one good suggestion I found was to buy something funny and/or unique that could be a conversation starter and also would leave a memory of me in her mind, then, I was supposed to ask her name, and tell her she's pretty. So, with this suggestion, I did something around those lines, but like so: I went on the internet and found some unique and funny sounding brands of beer, and wrote them down. So I went to the store, and asked for those brands from her, and apparently, the store didn't even have those brands, but that doesn't matter. Anyway, a male co-worker cashier was not far away, and there were customers behind me, so, after asking for these brands, me and her had a little mutual laugh and smile at each other, and she even was touching her hair (as it is well known, when girls touch their hair, they're usually thinking about a guy), and it did work well, I would have to say, well, because the beer brands that I came looking for had authentically funny sounding names. But, because of the co-worker not far away, and customers behind me, I felt it could "embarrass" her if I asked her for her name or anything, so I didn't ask, or say much after that other than have a nice day (or night).

3) After this happened, I had a hard thought about it, and came to the conclusion that although she is beautiful, and mysterious, and seems to kind of like me in a way, because she is a cashier at a busy store like she is, and since I never had any experience before her of trying to get with a cashier of any sort from any store, I decided that I should just give up, and what did it really matter, really? I mean, I talk to other girls, it's not like I need her, and this is true.

4) So, after that I only saw her like about 2 times in a 2 week-span in which I went to the store about 5 or 6 times with alcohol in mind (not her), and I when I saw her, I tried to just buy alcohol from her without thinking in my head like "I want this girl", instead, thinking in my head like "I want this beer (and nothing else)".

5) Then just a few days ago, I go to the store with a friend of mine, and this was one of the rare occasions that I saw her outside on a break (the one other time was a couple weeks before this, and was during the time I decided I didn't want her, which was also the state of mind I was in on this day I am describing here). So, she was outside the store, sitting on an object out there, texting on her phone, as I was walking towards the store, I saw her there, and well, since she is beautiful, it is hard not to smile at someone as beautiful as she is, especially if she's smiling at me, which, she was, so we smiled, and then, right before I walked in the store, she immediately said "hello" to me, and when someone says hello to me, I always naturally say hello back, and so I said hello back, and we further exchanged smiles in the process. I could've stayed outside, and began a conversation with her, but, since during that time, I was still in the state of mind that I gave up on her, and also because I was with a friend which I hadn't told anything about her, and why would I have? I gave up on her... So, well, I just walked inside, in hindsight, I probably should've stayed outside and talked to her, but, I was kind of determined in the state of mind that I gave up on her. But anyway, so, I was inside trying to figure out a brand of alcohol I wanted to buy, and all of a sudden, like literally half a minute after I had come inside the store, she ran inside, and went to her cashier desk, and I was already at the other cashier desk of her co-worker, and she, from across the room, asked me what I wanted, so I went to her cashier desk, and ordered what I decided to order, and we smiled, but at that very moment, I wasn't even sure of what to think, I was still thinking like "I thought I decided I don't want this girl (so why am I somewhat mysteriously turned on by this situation?)". So, I ordered what I ordered, and she normally goes in the door to get the alcohol, and then she goes back out the same door she came from, but, I was kind of in a slight state of shock, or confusion, to say the least, and I walked to the other door at the other side of the store, and she actually must've seen this, and she came to that door because of me (if that has any significance...), and then gave me my alcohol, and smiled at me in a way which very-much-so conveyed the message "I am interested in you", and I smiled back, and we said "have a good night" to each other.

6) I went back to the store the next day, and by then I decided to reconsider my decision of not wanting her, so I saw her there, and it was very busy, and when she saw me, I smiled at her, but then looked away, and then when I got to ask for alcohol from her, I asked for what I wanted, but, in the process, it seemed kind of like she was less interested in me, and when she looked at me, she kind of had a look like "what do you want (from her personally, not as a customer)?", or something like that, so I was thinking like "Ok, well, just yesterday you say hi to me, and show me all these signals of interest, and today, you show me the opposite? Well, it's not like I need you, so whatever, anyways...", and I got my alcohol, but as I was leaving, one of her co-workers, actually, a really "cool" type of guy that always makes jokes with many customers made a "cool joke" to me and my friend as we were leaving, and had a good laugh, and from then on, I went on with my day... I guess an explanation for this might have something to do with the fact that when I saw her outside the day before, that was a perfect opportunity for me to have a real conversation with her, and I mistakenly decided to avoid that at the time.

7) Two days later, which actually was yesterday, I went to the store in the last couple minutes before closing, and I actually was returning bottles this time around as well, I went with a friend, so I ran in the store to get the cart so I can load my empties on it, and went out to get my empties, loaded them up to the cart, brought the cart back to the store, loaded the empties to where the empties belonged, and she was there at the other cashier desk, and as I said, it was closing time, there was a cashier working in front of me, which was going to convert my empties into cash, and I could've just as easily ordered my alcohol from him instead of her, and she could've just as easily "ignored" that I was there, and could've been doing what her co-workers were doing, you know, like cleaning up the store, sweeping, moving stuff around. But no, she decided to instead come up all close to me (I was in her "personal space"), leaning towards me and touching her hair (a good sign), and asked "do you want to buy anything?", and I said yeah, and she asked if I wanted to wait for the empties to be converted into cash, and I said I already had cash, and I told my friend to finish up with the empty-to-cash conversion for me, and I went to the other cashier desk and bought alcohol from her, we even touched each otherís hands for about a second as she gave me my change, and it was me who moved my hand towards hers, and she didn't move her hand away, it was actually me that moved mine away. After that, we said have a nice night to each other as we smiled at each other, and then I went on with my day.

So, this is the point where I am now, I still haven't even asked her for her name, she doesn't know mine neither. I can wait till the next rare occasion that I see her outside on break to talk to her, and I kind of feel like I want to ask her for her name even while she's at work. I even thought this up: when I see her next, when she asks me what I want, I say "I want you... (pause) ..... to get me... (this brand of alcohol)" (with the suggestion of me wanting her ("I want you...").

I also thought this, while walking in the line towards her, I could be on my phone, texting, and when I get to my turn at the line, I can act like I didn't know I'm at the front of the line, and she could ask me "and what do you want?", and I could look up and say "oh, sorry, I was just texting a girl", I thought about this with more than one intention in mind, this could play on her jealousy chords, and, also, she could ask me something like "who? you're girlfriend", and if it's not obvious, I don't have a girlfriend right now, I do know girls other than her, but that's that... anyway, if she asks me that, I can say no, and I can ask her if she has a boyfriend in return, which, at the least is a sign that I'm interested. But, at the same time, if I do that, I risk coming off as some big player, which some girls don't like, and could make her automatically lose all interest in me, possibly. Iím not a big player, by the way, I might be learning some really good techniques, and might be talking to other girls, but, I donít know what I want, all I know is I like women, and I donít need a girlfriend, but if I have one, I can be a good boyfriend. I donít know, I donít know her too well, I donít even know her actual situation, and what type of girl she really is. All I know is, I would like to get to know her more, and maybe date her, or somethingÖ

All I know, is this is my situation in these regards, and honestly, I'm kind of stuck, and confused as to what would be the most effective, sure-fire way to assure I get her, other than what I have already come up with. All I want is some kind of feedback, and even advice from anybody (or any persons) that can help me, and once again, thanks allot in advance.

#2 Heart_Break_Kid



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Posted 19 December 2011 - 05:29 PM

Coolguy sorry for taking so long to respond, been pretty busy these days!!

Anyways forgive me if my response isnt adequate, i took about 45 minutes reading that thoroughly lol.

Okay well first thing is first, you seem to be in a state now where you are confident, which is good. However you lack the confidence in meeting someone where a situation doesn't present itself. That is generally okay, because to meet people we need something to play off of. For instance the bookstore, you can strike up a convo about a book.

However, there is a situation you can use here. Why don't you try one day telling her something like. "Hey, you know, I come here often, and I see you here sometimes. Decided to say hello. I was actually contemplating going somewhere else for a drink since I come here all the time, would you like to join me sometime?"

Honestly, you said you see her rarely. 2 times in 2 weeks... i think honestly if she rejects you thats no problem, because she would know you are a regular. Based on what you said, it does sound like she is interested in you, or at least recognises you around. It shows she knows you, recognises you, so therefore you know each other despite not knowing each other. You're a regular, so its like ur part of the family. Even if she rejects you, you just continue your normal routine. She may be normal with you or not... but you just go about your usual business. Deep down honestly people like to be asked out. If she does reject you then, while it may be awkward, she would be proud that you did show interest. She may avoid you so you wont get the wrong idea, but she will not hold a grudge against you.

So just give it a go you know. Nothing wierd will happen, and if it does, you see her rarely. So it should not bother you too much. As you said in number 5, she said hello to you. I think thats a sign that she does know you and she did come back in to see you. She probably did what she did to delay you a bit as well. Number 6 was a busy day as you said, so she probably was a bit tired, and she did speak to you. The lack of interest could be that she was tired, and she was just trying to move on fast. Then number 7 shows that she is familiar with you and know syou. She probably has an interest. I think perhaps she is waiting for you to make a move. You need to just go for it. Instead of just choosing to give up on her, how about asking her out and seeing what happens. If she turns you down, you give up, if not... well, see what develops. Don't overthink things you just have to let it develop. Else you will pass up on chances that will come.

When I met my girlfriend, it was during registration. She was in her first year and didn't know certain places. She winded up making the first move though, but she had no idea if i was interested or not. She did things to make a situation. She asked me for help finding certain buildings. When she built that foundation, she asked for my number so if ever she got lost or anything she could call me. So she made a situation. Maybe you can too!!

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