5 replies to this topic

[kappacory]

First i must introduce myself, my name quite simply is cory. I am 21 and very aware that i have my whole life ahead of me, i don't mean to sound rude or arrogant, im just depressed. I have only ever had one relationship that started when i was 16 and ended just 4 or 5 months ago. I must fill in some of the blanks so that you get an accurate depiction of the persona that is myself. I am not upset or jealous that my ex has moved on, i am upset and confused as to why i do not attract girls. In the real world i am a bar tender in a small town, a very small town. Schulenburg Texas to be precise. There is nothing here, no cute girls or approachable women, nothing but old people in an old town. I cannot call myself handsome since handsome men have girlfriends or wifes, i have no one, nor a line of women chasing me. I have very little money, a struggling family and no car. I do realize that you have to get out to make a change to your life. In order to help battle my depression of not having a girl who actually loves me for me i turned to online dating, pleantyoffish, okcupid, even justhookup. Nothing. Every girl posts something that goes along the lines of this:

Hi im super unique and fun and love to party (please insert a few good looking pics of said girl) im not some **** looking for a one night stand but im totally spontaneous and deep and bubbly and smart. (im basically fusing together all the profiles i've come across) I'll give anyone a chance so message me but if your not my type i won't give you a chance! i want a man who will love me, cuddle with me, kiss me, and treat me right, if thats you then step up, but if it isn't then don't bother! I love playing video games and reading and i want to be a doctor, bla bla bla bla balaaa. ktnxbye!

The end result is they are really looking for a guy who will take care of them, love them, treat them right and all that good stuff. I know for a fact that i am that said guy (i don't mean that i am the one for them, but i have all of those in my qualifications) i know that im shy and i don't really know how to talk to girls but i try to make sure that i state my intentions clearly. I know not everyone on those sites wants a relationship but i have literally emailed hundreds of girls and maybe out of that 10 have bothered to message me back with more than three words. I wonder if I'm really that ugly because i know that im not a shitty person, when i ask a question from them im actually wanting to hear their answer, i actually care about what they have to say and im actually interested in them for more than just their physical looks, im pretty sure its obvious that im interested in dating them. I must be freaking ugly as *beep* or something... I feel like im destined to be alone, each day my depression only worsens and i don't want to go back to that point of just hating life. i don't know how to make myself more handsome... or desirable. i guess women are really only after super rich vampire pirate guys with six pac abs named edward depp.

[Bud]

Dear Cory

Having a girl of your own will not cure your depression. It might cure you loneliness but if your feeling down and out now, then there is nobody who can pick you up from it but you. You don't want your happiness to be tied down with any particular person anyway because what happens if the relationship breaks up and they leave? It puts too much unwanted pressure on the relationship and you don't want to become dependent on that. If your feeling really down and out then have a chat to someone about it. Talk to a friend or family member that you can trust or call a local help line in you area. There is nothing wrong about seeing a professional counsellor about this issue and they can advise you on how to best overcome depression for good.

In answer to your loneliness problem, there is nothing wrong with online dating. Online dating provides a good forum whereby single people can have a chat to others and hook up if the conditions are right. Don't loose hope because you have sent 100 messages and only received 10. It will be worth it to send 10000+ just to find the right girl for you. Life is going to continue hitting you hard so make yourself a promise to pick yourself up and forge ahead. You seem to be a nice guy who has all the qualities to make a girl happy. Perhaps before you start sending out further messages you might want to write down the qualities that you want in a girl and then scrutinize the next couple of girls to see whether they actually have what you like in a girl! If your solely basing your choices on looks only then be prepared to be rejected on looks too. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder so every girl is going to have different tastes in men.

If your out of shape physically then you can go to the gym and fix that. If you don't like your job then you can find another one that pays better. If you want to be interesting then read some books. Is it possible for you to make friends with some of these women online? Have you tried dance classes or yoga classes? Be adventurous in your quest to find your perfect girl. I think that there is a lot of fight in you so keep positive and keep moving forward.

All the best - Bud.

[AsianBeauties]

Agreed. You need to focus on yourself first and figure out what deeper issues are really causing these anxieties. You don't want to get into a relationship whilst they still exist, that's futile. Sounds like you have a lot to offer, you're aware of that. So ask yourself what will make you happy (don't rely on someone else for this), where you want to be and what do you need to do to get there. Then, make it happen. Good luck.

[Desert_DJ]

Hey Cory this happens to be my are a of expertise. First off 10% response ratio is not bad at all. A lot of my readers started off way worse than that. It is a numbers game to a certain extent. Beyond that I am more concerned about what you are writing to them. It's good to be honest and sincere but also there is a limit to how forthcoming you should be with a total stranger. You might describe the exact situation that someone is looking for and scare them away at the same time. I'm not sure if posting links is ok here or not and I don't want to get banned or anything but if you want to message me or just google "meet real women online" I may have some advice that can help you.

Don't give up. I know it's hard not to get depressed but you will succeed. Hopefully you can get out of that small town soon. Bartenders are in demand in a lot of cities with tons of single women.

DJ

[BETTERFLIRT]

Guy one of the errors that boys like you always made is starting to look for girls. This one is not looked for. Do not go for girl this can not be attended. 2, you will never attract someone till you have what that last one is needing that means you need to be a giver not reciever. Do not feel sorrowful because you can not find someone to give love to. Girls dont like this. Be confident. Perharps you will need to change the way you dressed up, approach them that you they can accept to be with you. Come back and let know if there is the need of improving your skill.

[josephhud]

Your #1 problem is no selfconfidence and a woman can spot this a mile away even online. You have to be confident and the "alpha Male". And I agree that a woman will not make you feel any better about yourself but on the contrary just cause you more problems in what could be the woman of your dreams. I am speaking from experience not just something I heard. I almost lost my girl from the same problems you have. Being insecure in a relationship will get oyu know where. In reality your not really the person you can be because of these insecuritiesand depression. Here is a little trick that I learned form an expert in this field you may know him the author of "Chicken soup for the soul". Now this may seem silly or like "what the *beep*" but every morning you wake up look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself "I LIKE MYSELF,I LIKE MYSELF I LIKE MYSELF. MOST IMPORTANTELY I LOVE MYSELF". I do this with my kids in the morning and their attitude through out the day is better and mine also.You can talk to yourself and look into your own soul by talking to yourself in the mirror. As funny as it sounds I have broke down when in my depression by doing this and changed a lot of things I didnlt like with myslef. the point here is you can't love someone else when you don't love yourself. Good luck and try out this little technique and telll me what your results are.