6 replies to this topic

[annie101]

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Looking for a little advice
I am 59 years old and divorced for 3 years. I have been dating a man for approx 2 1/2 years,...on and off. He has been divorced for approx 8 years. We both own our own homes and are financially independent. He is warm, friendly, and just about the nicest man that I have ever met. We consider ourselves girlfriend/boyfriend and are in an exclusive, monogamous relationship and seem to be able to talk openly to each other pretty well. We have a great sex life. We enjoy each others company, although I need a lot more space than he does..meaning I need to maintain my own life with my own friends, which he is trying to be more understanding about but seems to take offense at. I have known all along that he is not one that I could ever live with or marry and I have told him so during our discussions. I love him as a dear friend yet he is hoping and wanting more. Although I have been open, honest and upfront with him. He keeps asking me what it is that he doesn't have that I know it would never work. I evasively tell him that it is something that is either there or it isn't..and it isn't for me, and if that is something that you can't handle than please let me know, because you shouldn't compromise on matters of the heart. He doesn't seem to accept that. To be perfectly honest, he doesn't challenge me mentally, he is somwhat 'dull-witted', he has some health issues that I don't think that I can deal with at this stage of my life, and he is sometimes what I consider crude..How can I tell him that without hurting him...no way! Am I wrong to continue this relationship knowing that he feels about me so much deeper than I do of him?

[Chris]

Hi,

nice to see you here as a new member. So I'll suggest something from my point of view.
Sounds like you have said enough already.. And the simple fact is that he wants his cake and eat it too so to speak. Things will not change but continue this way for years to come, unless you put your foot down and say enough is enough.

You are in control of your actions, not the actions of others. So if you are not happy, while you are wasting you time on this man you could potentially be missing a great opportunity to be with Mr. Right who is going to treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve.

Breaks tend to not work out in relationships. If you really want to be with him, just work through your problems together. Having a "break" just opens the door for one of you to get angry with the other for what they did during this 'break'.

If he really loves you, no matter how you break up with him he will be hurt.

I suggest if you don't feel the same way do it soon so you aren't leading him on. Tell him your feelings have changed and that you think that you two shouldn't be together anymore. Tell him exactly how you feel and why, he deserves the truth. Just work out your problems, or end it.

best wishes to you.

Chris

[Miriamne]

hi,
If you like someone it does not matter how they tell you they do not like you back, it hurts. it always always hurts, so don't waste time trying to find someway to tell him without hurting his feelings.

You don't have to be mean about it, but be honest. Yeah it will hurt, but what you are doing now, by letting him think he has shot that is far worst.
Miriam

[love2shag]

You don't have to be mean about it, but be honest. because it may be beneficial for you.

[sara angel]

You don't have to be mean about it, but be honest. because it may be beneficial for you.

[andyzz]

I think you're just thinking about yourself.You already mentioned that he loves you more than you do,it hurts him a lot.But if you think that he is not good for you then tell him and settle down things,and try to search your mr.right in dating events going around you.

[klaus]

Hi,
i was reading everything that you said... and maybe this things you are saying are just your habits... you two are mature and independent, and so your habits and way of life can hurt each other when it has to have with loving and caring..
you like to have your independence and he likes to be with someone as husband and wife, or in a closest relationship
Actually this is really normal.

In my opinion you should take him to some special place and say that you like him and want's to be with him, but you are feeling bad because you're loosing a bit of your independence... and you wasn't thinking about this... if you try to say everything in a soft way, i'm pretty sure that he will understand and continue with you.

Just present the facts to him in a nice way and that's it!

I believe that you two can resolve this taking in consideration each others opinion. Wait him to talk too. This way you too can find a way of dealing with your problems pleasing both of you.