[Confused]

I met this guy couple months ago when I went for a vacation alone. He was so nice to me... We holding hand and he kisses my hand. We keep in touch up until few days ago.. Both of us don't like to talk on the phone.. So, we both just text !! I think we both busy and don't want to distrubed each other. We got closer and talk more deep. I'm an asian, I'm very shy.. so, I don't usually open much when we talk about sex.. He actually got pissed one time... he doesn't understand why asian girls gotta be so shy.. unlike people from where he was born. I told him and explain that it's because of the culture and what we grown up with. He seems understand and told me that he will be more patient with me. I open more.. we actually plan to meet up soon.. a vacation together... and we agree to make love when we meet up. I like him that much.. and he told me that he like me much too. I trust him though... Even though, this relationship will end pretty soon.. But we both decided to have a happy time together and let's forget about what's gonna happen..

He text me everyday, asked me questions, let me know what is he doing... I answer him whenever he text me.. and sometimes I just send him text for a short greeting or a small questions. He always return my text almost right away or whenever he had a chance. I do the same. We open our heart and let each other know what make us like and impress about each other. We both happy about it and can't wait to see each other again.

He is now very busy with school (few years younger than me, American) He suddenly disappear.. I mean stop texting me for couple of days. I know that he is busy.. but he always busy.. question is that.. why he can find time to text me..even he was so busy.. but all the sudden.. he just so quiet! The day before he disappear.. we talked about safe sex and he asked me not to worried about anything.. everything will be just fine... The 3rd day that he's gone.. I text him.. and wonder how's he doing?? He answer me and told me that he is so busy with his final exam...(I belive him)

I text him back later of the day... how's he doing on the test.?? He told me that he did best and he is working now. He usually used different way telling me that he is working. I'm not sure if I just think way too much or it's really happen that.. he doesn't want to contact me.. and doesn't want me to contact him as well. I don't think I'm annoying. I usually keep our private zone and our comfort zone..

He told me that he's so busy but I saw that his facebook added new friend everyday.. (at least 1 person a day) I'm actually very confused about what I should do? Should I just cut him off??? I don't like myself being so uncomfortable like this. I"m pretty sure if I ask him what's going on.. he might say that I think way too much and I will be the one who look bad in his eyes. Today, I text him this morning.. just a small greeting, "Morning " it's almost the end of the day.. he didn't reply me for the first time...

Please tell me the truth... what is he thinking? He's bored at me?? He also confuse?? Should I just wait and be patient? or should I understand the situation and leave him.. cut him off of my mind??


Thank you

Confused !!

[Bud]

Dear Confused

From what you have described in your post I think that his impatience got the better of him this time round and he has decided to move on. It doesn't take much to send a text message reply and if he can't even be bothered to do that then it shows that he no longer cares.

He doesn't sound like the type to keep a long distance relationship going, even if it is with the promise of some sweet love at the end. However charming that he might have been on your last vacation. His impulsive nature/personality type clearly does not match your own.

If you are really just in it for a good time and nothing else then you should be able to forget about him and have a good time with someone else.

However if you find yourself yearning for his attention and love then think again about what would happen after you went on holidays with him and you got intimate with one another?! Would you be the type of person who can leave it at that or would you be the type of person who would want something more?

When it comes to relationships and not knowing what you want or going with the intention of having "a good time" more often than not people wind up getting hurt because they either underestimate the influence that the other person will have on them or overestimate there abilities to move on.

Emotions are not something that people can control at a whim. So know yourself first before you agree to get into any type of relationship with someone, no matter how brief that might be.

All the best - Bud.

[Confused]

Thank you so much Bud for your wonderful and sharp answer

I actually have a strong feeling that I should back off and stop all the relationship with him now... before I get deeper and be hurt more at the end. He still doesn't text me back or give me any response.. and I didn't bother him any more text message too .. plus the advice that you open my thought, "It doesn't take much to send a text message reply and if he can't even be bothered to do that then it shows that he no longer cares." This is true.. I agree!!


But... Bud.. can I ask you to help me explain more about this??? I already have the best answer for myself now.. But I just wondering.... if I come up with 2 scenarios ... What would you think or what would he thinks and what would it be?? I asked for this... not because I never learn.. I just try to learn now.. I don't have much white friends (both girls and guys) It's very hard for me to understand what they really think sometimes. This might help me and so many Asians out there that have been in the same situations like me.

1- What if he comes back and contact me, text and talk like before.
And giving me the same reason that he is so busy. But things are over..
no more stress exams !! and if he says that he really miss me and
he can't wait to see me...get together with me and spend wonderful time
together.... Would this be true? Can this ever happen?? And if it's really
happened... can I/we still trust this person? What should I/we do
and response about this?


2- What if he never comes back and I never contact him back neither....
until one day he realize that he is loosing something...
so he contact back. (I asked some other asian girls about the same
situation that happened to her..She told me that.. he also give
the same reason, "busy for school and work".. finally he came back)
What should I/we play fool with this person? And teach him some lessons
.. not to play with other people feeling ever ... again!!

(These 2 scenarios are almost the same.. but it's not)
Can you please help me explain... what would this kind of people would think and do?? And why he does that??

Thank you so much for your time

Confused!!

[Bud]

Dear Confused

I would say that the term *beep* would not only be limited to just caucasian males but to the gender in general. Whilst there are decent guys out there equally are there those which take women as well as themselves for rides.

Whilst your questions have pertinence I would argue that you are asking the wrong type of questions. By asking these questions you are attributing too much valuable brain time into someone who is not deserving of your time and energy.

Being as this may in answer to your first question, this can certainly happen. If he does in fact decide to crawl back to you in this instance it would probably be because he has failed to capture the attention of another woman and would like to see if he could get some action with you. Be careful when this happens because he is going to be the nicest and most attentive bloke that you will meet.

Concerning question 2. I'm not that great a fan of revenge. You could certainly do it if
your so inclined but the best punishment in this instance would be to just ignore him
completely. It's not uncommon for males and females to break up with a partner and then realize later on how good they really had it. So they earnestly try to get back together with them.

Being that you weren't an actual couple to begin with it would probably be easier for you to get over him. However unless you can actually put him behind you mentally will it determine how well you can deal with him if these situations arise.

Living is learning so don't beat yourself up too much if you happen to succumb to his charms. Each relationship gives you the opportunity to learn. Sometimes people need to experience a few before they wizen up as to what they really want and need in a person. I'm sure that you don't need to look abroad to find a boyfriend. Sometimes you can find good guys and gals in the most unexpected places.


Good luck with it - Bud

[Confused]

Thank you so much Bud !!

It's all true... There're always posibilities happened... and in many ways.
I really like all your suggestions and it's really support my feeling and I bet to many readers if they have a good chance to read this topic. For myself.... I do have faith what to do and believe what is best for me (now) And all your adviced really do help support my best answer

I'm sure, what I asked you the following after your first adviced are most common questions in people heart. I'm pretty sure, most people emotions can't just cut off and choose what's really best for themself. But all your adviced really cut through... This would help me to maybe help other people in the future if there happened to be in the same spot as I was.

Thank you again, Bud... You're the best..

Live for life, not for love....

confused

[eni9889]

Take it from someone who has actually done this to a girl (I was young and a jerk and I am very sorry) he has moved on and was only talking to you because no one near him was giving him attention but now he has someone else and if he ever comes back just ignore him.

[happylove]

Dear Confused,

The way I see it, he is not interested anymore. I was in your situation once wherein I met a guy who was really interested in me and came to visit me (he works in another country somewhere in Asia). We used to talk a lot online and text each other everyday. He would text me several times in a day. But then after he came here, he noticed I was a shy girl and I don't talk about delicate things such as sex since I'm Asian. After that, I have never heard of him.

You see, a guy can have several reasons to tell you just so he can't frankly tell you that he's not interested anymore. The difference with the cultures is a big factor. He probably realized that he wants to move on. I've been there, and my ex used to tell me so many reasons and it can all be summed up into this--he's very busy. It turned out that he was actually seeing another girl.

Well here's what I think you should do. Stop texting him. That's the first step. Try not to text him for a whole week. Eventually you will get used to it and you wouldn't be sad if he doesn't reply. Next, don't check out his Facebook profile. It would only kill you slowly day by day if you keep on checking and seeing his new added friends everyday. Then on your home feed, whenever he comes up on the most recent activities, click "Hide" on the settings next to his post so you won't see his posts anymore. This way, you are helping yourself move on. If you keep on communicating with him, he will probably be annoyed. So I think it's best to give time for yourself and be happy even without him. It takes time especially if you really like the guy but time will make you forget.