I Feel Like A Horrible Person.

Recently I developed a crush on a girl with a boyfriend...
We've known eachother for a very long time but I only noticed her in that way a few months back when she started to give me some signals. My instinct tells me that they are signs of interest but the truth is that I don't really have much experience on that front. Now this may seem like a poor excuse but I'm usually a bit picky when it comes to girls, and it takes someone special for me to take an interest in them, so I didn't have many girlfriends. But back to the point it all started a few months ago when we wen't out with quite a group of people, I noticed her staring at me from across the table for maybe 2-3 times and when I looked back it usually lasted for about 5 seconds without saying a word until she looked away. Later that night we started talking. Again, ALOT of eye contact, it made me pretty nervous because her eyes were just wide open and locked on me for the whole conversation, she laughed at anything remotly funny I had to say and touched me alot too, later her boyfriend arived too for about an hour then we all left, we were pretty drunk by then. We said goodbye and later I saw them searching for their bycicles I said Hi and told them we were going too, we were with a bunch of people but she only hugged me and tried to kiss me on the lips, I'm way too tall and I didn't really expect it so it landed on the neck . Now 3 months ahead things are still the same, lately she seems to be going where I go and I see her twice a week. She never brings her boyfriend though. Anyway I feel like we have great chemistry together, and I've been close to just kissing her alot of times but the fact that she has a boyfriend keeps me from doing it, yet I never see them together and she never even discussed his existence with me. Any idea what to do with those feelings? I just don't want to let her go because she is the only girl in my life that I liked so much and I'm starting to think that she really is that special someone, but I can't just take action either because it might blow up in my face.

Dear Superman12

It really just depends on the type of person that you are which will determine what you
will do next. Are you confident enough to be able to steal her away from her existing
boyfriend if you made a play for her or do you just want to just give it a go and hope
that she breaks it off with him or will you keep your emotions in check and wait for her
relationship to transpire?

Concerning the latter are you in any possession of information that would tell you that
her relationship is in a crisis and that she wants out? Since you appear to have some
mutual friends and have access to her directly it would be worth to place a few questions
here and there just to test the waters. Just ask her how her relationship is going with her boyfriend.

If she says that it's going fine then you will know not to try anything at present. If she tells you a whole bunch of stuff about how she doesn't like this and that about him counter question her about what she does like about him. Try to tap into her feelings for him because the other stuff is insignificant. For example if she goes on a rant about him "not spending enough time with her and being inconsiderate etc".

As much as you think that she is showing signs of interest in you be mindful not to get too carried away about it. As long as she has a boyfriend you have to give that relationship the benefit of the doubt. So try to find out more information before you make your next move or become to emotionally invested in her.

Good luck with it - Bud.

Well I never asked her about her boyfriend, and she never really talks to me about any other guy, but in casual conversation I notice she does talks abit negatively about him.

I always see her going out alone without her boyfriend and when I ask her where he is she says something like 'At home, watching TV, I left him there haha'.

They are very distant of eachother yet they are together I haven't seen this guy for months yet I see her atleast 2-3 times a week, and when they DO show up together she pretty much talks to me the entire evening, people who don't know us always thinks we're a couple instead of them too.

I had a chat with him once and he said they had a very strange relationship where each of them go their own way, he likes cars, and golf but that's about it. She likes music (same music taste as me) and just going to bands and that kind of stuff.

People I know told me they found it sad for her that her bf never comes along and only spends time with his family but never with hers. Now she told all those people this BUT me, I don't really understand what this means.

Dear Superman12

As much as they don't appear to be doing couple things externally, they could very well be
having a great relationship internally or behind closed doors. Sometimes you cannot hope
to grasp or understand a relationship from what you just see or hear externally from
people or through your own observations.

She could very well feel very comfortable and supported by her boyfriend. To the extent
that she doesn't discuss her boyfriend issues with you would indicate that she might want
to keep that part of her life separate from your friendship.

The boyfriend probably doesn't have any issues with her going to places alone because he
trusts her and that he knows that she will always go back to him and vice versa. It would
appear that their relationship is very open for them to indulge in their own respective
interests which is a good thing. Whereby some couples like to do things together this one
appears to thrive on them doing their own thing. The main point to consider is that they
always wind up back together again which is a testament to their strong relationship.

Unless you know that she has broken it off with him permanently then I would resist from
making a play at her because it could wind up badly as you say. Your better of focusing
your interest elsewhere.

All the best - Bud