Singles Dating Forum: Online Dating Relationships Advice: Crush On Soon To Be Divorced Friend - Singles Dating Forum: Online Dating Relationships Advice

For the last few months, i've been in touch with a lady i've known for about 5 years. I've found her very attractive since the first time i met her, and we've been good friends. Now she's divorcing her husband of 8 - 10 years. We talk every week or so, have gotten together to hang out or have lunch 5 or 6 times.

We don't discuss the divorce situation, but talk about almost everything else. We have a lot in common. I find myself wanting this to develop into something more, since we enjoy each other's company. So far nothing more physical than hugs & a quick kiss. I like it that way. In the past, most relationships for me have started out hot & heavy, then fizzled. I'm becoming less patient about going slowly, and want to tell her how i feel.

Anybody have ideas on how to help this develop?
I'm letting her take the lead right now.

Dear fwv

From the sounds of things the next natural step would be to take this lady out for an evening. To move away from the lunch date to somewhere where romance could potentially blossom. Like dinner or the theater etc.

As much as you like to hurry things along, you should continue to let her take the lead for now. You don't really know how she feels about getting into another relationship so quickly. It could be the case that she is ready for it or it could be the case that she has a lot on her plate with the divorce.

I'm guessing that you are in a pretty good position at the moment should she want to get into
another relationship. She no doubt enjoys your company and you have a lot in common. Just let things progress naturally between you. I'm thinking that she will let you know when she is ready. It will be something subtle like a look of sorts when you flirt or joke with one another. So look out for that.

All the best - Bud.

Thanks Bud.

She does have a lot to deal with to become single again. Sometimes I don't hear from her as much as I'd like. There
have also been some comments about someone "almost asking
for a date". Could be me. I've always done lunch date or
cooked for her. I plan to ask her to a concert and am pretty
sure she'll want to go. She's told me she does plan to date
again.

Go for it...No guts no glory. You are going to have to do seomthing, b/c she will only lean on you as a friend. Don't come out real heavy but talk to her a little bit, tell her how you feel and that's that. If you can be friends if you get rejected then all the better, but if you can't or you think it would be too hard then really think about it. I am a firm believer that friends first is very important but don't allow that to stop the chances of something special. Also, if she says absolutely anything but something oriented with starting something then she isn't into you as much as you are her. She may blame it on her situation. Also understand timing, don't say anything tommorow but don't hold it in until 4 years from now. Again, no guts no glory but within some sort of reason..good luck

We've got a date for dinner at a really nice place. She was really happy when i asked, even telling me how great it was to have a chance to dress up & go somewhere with no paper or plastic on the table.

I'll tell her how i feel soon, but am gonna let this time be fun & romantic. I may be overly optimistic, but this one looks like it could be the best of having both a friendship & a sweetheart.

We spent over 3 hours at dinner. She looked beautiful and I told
her so. She even orders her food prepared the same way as I do.
The conversation was about anything from books, family, spiritual
beliefs, and more.
Everytime I'm with her, she tells me a little more about herself. Even when her divorce should be finished.
I still don't think it's quite time to talk about where this may
be heading. She is still married, so it's hands off for now.
Things are relaxed with a little bit of tension for us both.
We're both old enough to be honest with each other (over 45),
and that helps even more. I believe I'll know when to bring up
the 'how I feel about you issue'. She probably knows, but I'll
have to tell her in person.
I don't like waiting, but I think it's bringing us closer.

Wish me luck.

How about some comments here?

Things have been sweet. Gone out a couple more times. Had a
really great time. I want this to last a while. Seems
like time flies. In only a few weeks, it looks like
there's a connection on a spiritual level, as well as
attraction, and just general stuff in common.
Tough going slowly, but it's great.

Hi fwv,
I'm glad everything's going great between you and your.. ahmm.. how do I call her.. special friend?
I think she likes you too, just take things slow cause she's still married, and to have you on her side during this divorce process is I guess a little hard for her (though I haven't been through that before, I don't know how it feels )

Best of luck

Hi

Don't be their therapist. If the issues in your conversation get a little heavy, remember that you need to wait them to make their own decisions.

Only after that you can step in and not hurt anyone. However bear in mind that coping failed relationship requires some time to to be a single. Jumping into next relationship from afailed one is not heading in a right direction.

Chris

kate_spencer, on Feb 3 2009, 03:45 PM, said:

Thanks Kate. I just call her by her name.
I think things are tough for her. That's why I want her to have
fun (with me of course). Hopefully, the drawn out divorce will
be done soon. I've never been through that either, so I can't
imagine what it's like. As long as I stay focused on how things
are right now, not planning or expecting anything else, things
seem to be just right.