Singles Dating Forum: Online Dating Relationships Advice: Feelings For Best Friend - Singles Dating Forum: Online Dating Relationships Advice

Hi Guys,
Need some advice on whether to take the plunge, bit of a long one I'm afraid sorry but really need advice.

OK the situation is that me and this girl have known each other for about 3 years. She was my boss at work, after a year she got a promotion and suggested I go for a promotion with her to a new site. We moved to the new area and lived together for another year and got really close but nothing happened as she was kinda off and on with this moron.
She moved to another town (for another promotion) and moved back in with this guy even though he had messed her around a few times. She then got pregnant and he has now messed her arround again and they have split up for good now.

We dont see each other as much because of where we live but we talk every day, sometimes for hours at a time.
I've liked her for a while but haven't said anything to her. The last couple of weeks she have come over a couple of times and we seem to be closer than usual.

When we are sitting on the sofa with some of our mates she kinda cuddles up and holds and strokes my hands and arms. The other day her and her Ex had a big fight, as they are still having to live together until the house lease runs out, and she came and stayed for a couple of nights. I offered to sleep on the sofa but she said just to share the bed. When I got into bed she cuddled up and was stroking my arms again. Again nothing else happened just kinda held her all night.

She says she misses me when we talk and we text a lot aswell. After she was down for the day we were texting and I said she should move back my way. Her answer was that 'Its not that easy, I love being near to you, yesterday was cool I had a really chilled out day'. I asked her wot she meant and she kinda shrugged it off and said it was interesting coz she didnt think I paid that much attention. When I asked why it was interesting she said 'I do miss you, you know that I wish we could see each other more and the time we spend together is lush'.

Am I reading more than I should into this? The situation is really complicated as I can't lose her as a friend but I dont want to miss the chance of something else and then the added complication of her Ex and being pregnant doesn't make the timing very good.

What do you all think?
Any advice appreciated.

PH

Based on the facts you've depicted I'd say she indeed did feel love for you. Enough even to let you go. It's a normal reaction to protect her own feelings.

It's always a risk when you start something new and you usually can't turn back to where you came from. If you confess your feelings to her she'll probably be open to you too, but don't expect her to give away her innermost secret just so your curiosity will be satisfied. It wouldn't be fair towards her to demand that, you'd probably only tear open a slowly healing wound.

Anyway, the only way to find out whether or not she loves (loved) you is to talk to her about it. Everyone else can only guess, just like you. But if you don't intend to start a relationship with her, then I suggest to let it rest, since you'd probably only hurt her with it if she indeed loves you.

Well, the rest is up to you. You're eventually the only one who can decide what to do.

Thanks for the advice.
I would like to start a relationship with her so it wouldn't just be asking her to satisfy my curiousity.

Its more about when would be a good time to ask and whether she actually is interested.

Dear ukph

From what you have described in your post I am not one hundred percent convinced that she is ready to take your relationship to the next level. Despite the fact that you have this great mental connection with her, I still think that her heart may still be with the ex who is messing with her.

Being that she is now pregnant with his child has made the situation a whole lot more complex. Having this child means that she will need to make arrangements with him on what to do. Her reluctancy to move back to you area is an indication that she has got a lot to sort out.

Asking her at this present point in time would not be a good idea because it's not clear cut whether she really wants to leave her ex. Sure they get into big fights but when the child comes out and he is in that delivery room with her, (I'm guessing that he will be there because he does live in her area and is the dad) then things could change quite dramatically.

Wait until things have settled down first and that you see that she has truly left him before you make your move. If you do it prematurely then this could jeopardise your friendship with her. You would be surprised on how quickly a person can turn when you confront them with a situation that they don't feel comfortable discussing. Many a times so called "strong friendships" have come to an end because peoples emotions are unpredictable.

Good luck with it - Bud.

Friendship, as intimate relationships work with the exception that sex is not in the arrangement in some instances. Some friends join in friendship and later commit to sexual relations, thus leading to commitment or else separation. Love and Relationship is not after for sex but can commit that when a relationship is in good condition I mean the commitment and trust in there.

Friendships that are long lasting usually have the ingredients to make the relationship work. Friends may cause each other frustration, agitation, unintentional harm down the road in the relationship, yet the two will work together to make it work by finding a resolve.

Love and relationships built on true friendship will last through habits, behaviors, personality flaws, etc., providing violence or repeated actions of inconsideration and disrespect is ongoing. True friends will prove true to the end of the relationship.